The truth?. I feel stucked.

God?Are you there?

It’s 11:00pm

I don’t know if I feel worse than the person in this picture but this is the closest to how I feel rn.

Should I gaslight myself and think “Ama he’s just testing you, don’t worry it’ll be fine”.

Let’s talk about faith .

Faith in my understanding is “ believing something will happen without even seeing the slightest sign of it,I mean even the tiniest bit of sign but you believe it will”.

Have “faith” Ama.

Trust in God Ama.

It’s so easy to think I trust him to deliver,I know he will but sometimes I feel forgotten.

I’m listening to a song by AEO named “ZA” with tears at the tip of my eyes but this song is the only thing that’s helping me write clearly and express myself clearly.

One line from the song is stucked in my head “when we call your name you deliver”

I choose to believe that he’ll deliver,I just choose to believe that.

I kind of diverted a little but I needed to write that before even starting to go into details.

I feel stucked.

I’m 19 and I feel so stucked.

As a Nigerian,in a country with bad economy and a school that extorts crazily from students forcing them to sort (pay for)some courses to pass them

And from a family that’s trying to survive in a country like this.

I feel stucked .

I don’t even know what to do,I have no one to call for help only you God so why do I feel you don’t listen?💔

I’ve always been the “always look put together no matter the situation” type of person.You can hardly tell I’m going through anything and you’ve been helping me out God but why have you decided to be quiet recently???

We’ve been struggling over the years and I can’t continue this way.I need a job,I need to do something to help take care of myself and relief the weight from my Mom because I can’t bring myself to type what I heard today and what the devil has been doing for the longest time.

They say “comparison is the thief of joy” yes it is but sometimes it’s needed because it reminds you of some races you still need to run and some places you still have to reach.It’s like everyone is moving on,doing things for themselves and I’m just here thinking of what i can possibly do online to help myself out.Everyday feels like a waste and I feel so numb lately that I don’t even want to talk to anyone

I’m trying to make myself happy by distracting myself (dressing up and looking good, taking pictures,making videos) but they don’t seem to be working ):

I really need you to come through God because at this point.I have no one else to call

I can’t blame you for anything (God), because I know you have my best interest at heart but it kind of sucks to not have an earthly father to provide for us and make life a little bit easier knowing I have a father I can call.

Please God .

Please.

I really need you.

Somehow the tears dried back up but my heart is heavy .

Help me lord

Please🧎‍♀️.

If you stayed to the end thank you and God bless you and please if you have any job opportunities you can link me to

I’ll be so grateful (I have no qualifications,I’m a 200l medical laboratory science student in Nigeria)